Downsized

Downsized.
In a land of supersized fries, widescreen TV's, jumbo wings and Fat Boy motorcycles the term seems almost un-American. Everything in America is bigger, even the children. Yet here I am. Downsized. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I was ever really upsized.

But I am hardly alone, just read the news. Austerity measures across the globe. U.S., Britain, Greece, Spain, Ireland, Italy, Russia -you name it, we're all in the same boat. Money is tight. People are cinching their belts. It's time to trim the fat off the monthly household budget. But where to begin?

Figuring that out can be confusing. And I'm not talking slightly confusing, I'm talking try-and-explain-the-Jonas Brother's-popularity confusing. Shots of NyQuil confusing. Gary Busey confusing.

As in, do I really need cable TV or am I just accustomed to having it? Or, do I really need an eight ball of blow every weekend or am I just accustomed to having that, too?
Nah, just kidding. I'm not accustomed to cable.

Oh, yeah, I'm also the primary caregiver to an elderly parent. Mom's eighty-one and not doing so hot. If these are the times that try men's souls then consider my spirit guilty. I mean, it's enough to make a person want to turn to a life of crime.
And who would hate me for knocking off some fat cat bank anyway? Certainly none of my foreclosed neighbors. Visions of the James Gang sweep through my mind. Daring heists. Narrow escapes. But Jesse James got shot in the back of the head and Frank James went to prison.

Maybe I'll just cancel the cable instead. And a few other things. You know, trim the fat.

 After all, I'm downsized.